Hey DD post in here

Hello it's me

I love you beyond words Denice.

Hello lover
I love you to the moon and back a million times over. For always

DDLovesTR wrote:Hello lover
I love you to the moon and back a million times over. For always

I sit in this limbo and you are always on my mind. If not directly if I'm distracted by something going on, my mind instantly shifts to you upon first chance it gets. I am flooded by memories of us together over time. Reaching out to me on a bar stool to rub my thigh to let me know you're aware even in you're engaged in conversation. The look in your eyes after meeting me after your day, words cannot describe it - instant feeling transferred that is beyond words that speaks deep within my soul - it's a feeling of pure love , joy, belonging, and happiness.

Reaching out to hold my hand across the console of the car. Years of my life being hit with anxious joy when these words are sent to my phone screen "on my way"...
I miss these small things in my life and it's devastating. They make me feel truly alive and I miss you. I miss us. You are my best friend in life, without you I am not complete. I'm a shell without direction. No mustard. Side of ranch. Dolphins. Core water. Everything around me wherever I'm at draws you back into my mind and heart.

"Where's Denice?" they say (as if just maybe like so many others we've parted ways) Always returned with "she's on her way" or "she'll be here". Your beautiful hair, your eyes, smile, lips, nothing rivals you to me. You are me. You are a part of me that I can't bear to be without. You fill my heart and my world. Whatever you see in me I am because of you; you complete me. I watch you sleep and wish I could be there to hold you, just to be near you. I wish I could have done things to make this different. I pray with all my being we will resume 'us' somewhere, some time. And I will cherish every second with you regardless of anything.

I love you so much Denice. My love for you is greater than any other emotion associated with this situation. Even though it's tearing me apart in so many ways, the feeling of love I carry with me for you is greater. Please, let me have Denice in my life. That's all I ask or want. I love you so, so, so much Denice. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing in this world. We will walk on the beach again hand in hand. We will be complete again. It just has to be.

I love you and hope you're dreaming of that day with me.

Woke up today (beautiful day) reminder of recent 'normal'...I expect to wake up to complete chaos, reality upside down. Although that is the 'new' reality, for today if not paying the outside world much attention, you could fool yourself into thinking it's just another day like any other. Oddly calm, no dreams. My main concern today is your small store trip. I know you will be careful, and I pray to powers beyond me to guide and watch over.

I feel so powerless, isolated, I'm reduced to putting these words down as at attempt to fool myself at doing something - anything. The bare minimum being perhaps thought, karma, appeal to something to surround you at a distance to provide some level of safety. I am always thinking, praying, looking for some kind of a solution. You're loved, you're thought of, you make a difference to who's putting these words and emotions down. Always remember that when things seem bleak or impossible. Eighteen minutes or a world away, love and thought are instant. Love is what gives life and I constantly am trying to project it towards you.

The uncertainty of the future ahead is a minute by minute struggle. But I will struggle, because the struggle is for us to eventually overcome this. That is a worthy struggle above any other. I break away from this to talk to you, watch you comb your hair (highlight of my day) True love always. I love you.

I can begin to tell you how much I love these letters to me. You make me feel so loved. I love hearing you say my name. hearing you call me honey. I watch you sleep on this video probably just as much as you watch me. I miss laying next to you and watching you sleep and hearing your breath. we have definitely grown in this relationship. learning and testing. I fall in love with you more and more every day. you are my everything.

I woke up and the connection was gone. Bladder full I jumped up for the first time in hours. Between the bed and there, panic sets in - I'm alone. Did she need a break? She's probably off on her trip. Is this my future, alone? Can I adapt to this? Are things changing already? Loss...

I check my email (there's a reply) I read it here and slowly ease, but not much. You're out, I check the ap, watch, wait, feel uneasy, scared, powerless, alone. I wonder how long this can keep up? How long can a phone serve as a bridge to you? I feel the tears starting to emerge again. It seems impossible not to hold you, to go through this, and the panic remains. I love you so much and the fear is overwhelming me.

It won't subside until you are safe, home and safe. My soul begs to be within your touch. Tears flowing now. Waiting, hoping, praying. I love you so much and anxiously monitor that screen. Another pack lays empty. I am tired emotionally, mentally, and physically. When will you return? How can I cope with this? I love you so much and will never tire of typing it because it's all that's on my mind. Tears, pain, alone - that's what there is when the connection isn't there. Something so precious to my heart out there possibly in danger and I am powerless to do anything - to know every little specific of what is occurring.

It's difficult to type, but it's a distraction. Verge of all out crying. Please e safe. Please reconnect. How can I possibly adapt and cope to this cruel daily reality? Please come back to me honey, please reconnect. I am terrified to make the call thinking I could distract you and put you into a possible worse situation somehow. I love you so much and now I will let the cry manifest into the pillow that has captured the happiest times of us. I cannot type any more, I will cry and I will monitor the screen and pray. I feel so torn. I love you Denice and it seems so impossible right now. God it does...

Finally the indicator moves! My emotional toll is put on hold. Yes, heading home!

Very close. Relief.

Home!

You will be there soon. The connection restored. I hope and pray and wish forever. You will see tears, but I cannot help it.

I love you more than words.

The screen. I will wait for the comfort of the screen.

Everything for now seems fine. You're home and I received your text. I will settle for that.

I don't know what else to do until you appear on the screen, so I will write...

So far today this has been the most difficult time for me. Worse than my own short trip away. The sun has set, you can feel spring through the open window and hear the traffic out on the roads. Normal, it sounds like normal out there. But we both know better than that. I think of how magical it would be if things were different. I might be at a certain place watching the clock for 10:15 and then watching this same screen once those words appear "on my way"...

Will that reality ever return to us? It seems such a distant fantasy. I wonder how long will this separation go on for? How long until you lay next to me without any limit on time? Without fear of traveling back and forth? To be honest, after that 10:15 window would roll around I would worry about your travel in the normal times. I always worried when you were out there and away. Always on my thoughts, always...

The tears have stopped, but the weight of this new reality seems impossible. Like being held underwater. My wildest fantasies now of are 'us'. For some reason, a warm august night at a carnival. The end of a full night of walking hand in hand. Winning stupid prizes, eating from different vendors. Back to normal, together. Ending the night walking back to one of the cars in a crowded lot and then stopping. Stopping to take in the moment. Your beautiful hair, moving to wrap my arms around you and kiss you on the lips connecting souls. For some reason that fantasy persists in my head. Summer. Love, a night ahead together.

Similar to the beach. The walk from the DQ, hand in hand, without the foreboding sadness that was a signifier of this. It had to be. I am convinced of that. The prior trip I remember the timeshare tour. That top floor suite - if only we were there right now, overlooking the beach. Permanently reserved for us overlooking the ocean which was a barrier between this, us and this hell only a few months ago. Perhaps that 's what the sense of sadness was. Across that ocean eventually this reality was waiting for us - an ocean away. After the timeshare we escaped to that restaurant on the way back, that refuge together. I wish we could as easily take a refuge from this similar.

I don't know how long I can go forward with the separation. I really don't know. My instinct is to end it tonight, tomorrow, but the fear. The risk. That spring air, there is no happiness in it. You are on the the screen. So I will move my attention away from this one. I love you.

I find comfort from your words.
your fantasy sounds amazing. I can only hope they are a sign of what is to come. I hope things open up soon. what I wouldn't give for a few nights with you on the beach. the weather was wonderful for your birthday.
I don't need to do anything for my birthday. all I want is time with you.
I pray for this to end sooner then later. but when ever that happens I know I have you.
you just said you don't know what's going to happen to you. I will take care of you. I will always love you and take care of you. I just need you to take care of yourself. and keep writing to me.


I can stare into your eyes forever. I love you so much. I cant stop looking at you.

Tonight.

I am excited, relieved, scared, worried...

Will it go well? Will everything be OK? I pray, and I wait...

I fear it will race by. I won't do the right thing or other factors will ruin it for us. Hours to heal such hurt. I am dreading the sunrise. The moon was lit and bright earlier, now clouds have canceled it out.

I fear the goodbye. I fear time. And I fear those who cannot recognize their own cruelty to poison the entire thing.

I pray for a good night. Please allow for it. Just a moment in time to cancel it all out. I fear hurt and if there is any please, I apologize with all my heart. I love you so much.

Moving on screen.

I am an emotional wreck. My thoughts are everywhere. Seconds tick by. If only the world would freeze. Just for tonight.

Please. My only thought tonight. Please.

Im laying next to you while you sleep. Finally. It didn't come easy for you. I hope after today the healing begins. Death is not easy, we know this.
I am not concerned about what happened today. I think we're are ok. Don't stress. Im looking forward to the 80 degree weather working swing I didn't get the chance to enjoy it.
Hopefully I will enjoy it with you. A day trip somewhere. Or would be good for you to get out of the house for a bit.
Seeing that website about the risk was nice to see. It's no excuse to take risks but knowing this makes it a little less stressful.
Marvin will follow me to bed anytime he sees me come this way. When I went to the bathroom he was disappointed to see I went in there And not to lay down I love this little nap buddy of mine so much.
I hope you are having a good sleep.
You're a wonderful writer. Keep it up. Im afraid mine won't turn out as beautifully as yours.

You gave me the choice tip stay or leave. Seeing the tiniest of nods from you. As if leaving for home is easy. I love you with my heart and soul. I breath you everyday. The first thing I do is reach for my phone to see messages for me. I constantly look through put the day. And every time I return to the phone. The phones have been our life line forever. A blessing and a curse in your eyes I'm sure.
I have loved you longer than your heart was ready for. There is no shame in that. Your dark mysterious brown eyes have had me weak to you from the beginning. Those lips bring me to my knees. I never knew you could crave someone's touch before.
The thought of losing you brings a pain deep inside my body.
I love the way you reach for me when you're sleeping. I look forward to it being you and me every night no stress no drama. It's 9:07pm now. Your steady breathing beckons me to follow your lead to close my eyes. I wish I didn't need sleep so I can see you the whole time im here with you.

I love you

This is my dirty message to you.

Dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty


I love the dirty things we do. I've been thinking about it all day

No matter what happens. what comes about. I'm not mad at you. When you told me about your mom I was worried for her and for you. Don't you dare blame yourself or let anyone else blame you. That's on cheryl and Greg. Being that virus in is on them. I pray it's not that. And she's ok. And just has a cold or some allergy thing going on.

You are everything to me. And for me to consider moving away with you away from my sister says a whole hell of a lot.
Things are starting to open up babe. Maybe the numbers go up. But we will continue to be safe.

For my birthday I would like to go get a room with you for a night or two. They will be ok. Tell Greg. He'll be over anyway. And you will get a break from being in the house and the stress. Yes. I know we will wait and see what's going on with your mom. But I'd really like to do this. I love you so much.

You're not reading these.
At least not responding.
You're keeping your distance because you are trying to keep me safe. Yes im disappointed not going away with you. But if you don't think it's safe then we will wait. Why would I break up with you? Is the distance getting to you? I've never had the opportunity to look at your face everyday. To hear your voice everyday.

How can I be upset with someone trying to keep me safe?

I love you. It was wonderful to see your beautiful smile and hear your amazing laugh today. 🥰

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
Oh, I hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I will never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue
And I'd go crawling down the avenue
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of this Earth for you
To make you feel my love, oh yes
To make you feel my love

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
Oh, I hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I will never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue
And I'd go crawling down the avenue
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of this Earth for you
To make you feel my love, oh yes
To make you feel my love

Im so in love with your laugh and your smile.
I love the way you look at me. The sound of my name as it slips from your lips.
I miss you.
I hope this weekend we are in agreement for me to see you.

Your fuckin dimples get me. 🥰🥰

I love you. Everyday I sit and wonder where things are going. My stomach rises and falls when I think to our future together. I feel so helpless and isolated. I worry about the worry itself because everyday it drives deep into my gut. I'm waiting for that permanent wave of relief to happen, but there is so much confusion surrounding everything it seems so far off if not impossible to see at the end of this. Everyday I imagine our future escape to where and what I don't know. I love you so much and want you next to me safe in my world no matter what it happens to be. I'm terrified of doing the wrong thing and hurting you in any way whatsoever. I miss you so much each and every day. I am trying to stay positive for you, us, but when I re-read my actual thoughts written out like this I have to fight back the wave of sadness that always pours into me. I love you. I love you is all I can think to stay and I have to stop for now because the hurt is just too much. I love you.